Humans v. Zombies: Losers Losers Losers!
First off, sorry Melissa. I hope you don't kick me off the Collegian staff.
The show must go on.
The participants of Humans vs. Zombies are all losers. Literally. A bunch of losers. Sour puss losers. Neckbeard losers. McCain losers. Big dirty losers. It must be noted, direly, that I am using the term in its most literal sense - although not completely. Everyone who participates in Humans vs. Zombies is a loser.
"Why, why, why?!" You ask. "These young folk are just trying to have fun. They want some exercise. They need to run around to get their runner's high, the only high they'll ever get. They meet people this way. Maybe one of them will talk to a girl for the first time, albeit that she is a zombie who only wants to eat his brain!"
You're missing the point. The whole point of the game is to lose. To be a loser. The only winners of the game are those who are the first zombies. The original five zombies - representing one for each of the five sections of campus.
Frankly, the casting for these original five zombies upset me. I find it no coincidence the zombie from Central ran around with a joint in his mouth, the one from Northeast was an Asian, the one from Orchard Hill refused to not carry around his Math textbook, the one from Southwest was a rejected football jock, and the one from Sylvan was a transexual anime fiend. What, are we trying to give in to stereotypes now?
These five zombies are the only ones who got it right. They knew if they didn't choose to be a zombie they would be a loser eventually. See, the thing is, these five zombies slowly got the humans. And those humans turned to zombies. And then those zombies got other humans, turning them into zombies. And so on. This system makes everyone but one person a zombie, thus, it makes everyone but one person a loser.
And for that one person, he truly is worth much more than the dishonor of being called a loser. I'm not even joking.
See, they really are are losers. They sign up to play a game where it is literally impossible not to be a loser.
Sadly, though, this whole idea was ignited by my utmost curiosity as to why these people actually walked around with the bandanna on. "You idiots!" I thought, "You know you can't win if you do that! You eventually will be tagged and turned into a zombie!" What this means is, if I were playing, I would sign up and not walk around with a bandanna on. That way, I would never and could never get tagged, and I would probably win, as long as I didn't have to do any check ups, participate in anything to do with feeding the hungry homeless people, and definitely not actually touch any of these players or play with them.
I'm not sure what that implies. To me, it implies that I'm a winner, and I win by any costs, and that all these hundreds of people are losers, who will lose at any cost.
The show must go on.
The participants of Humans vs. Zombies are all losers. Literally. A bunch of losers. Sour puss losers. Neckbeard losers. McCain losers. Big dirty losers. It must be noted, direly, that I am using the term in its most literal sense - although not completely. Everyone who participates in Humans vs. Zombies is a loser.
"Why, why, why?!" You ask. "These young folk are just trying to have fun. They want some exercise. They need to run around to get their runner's high, the only high they'll ever get. They meet people this way. Maybe one of them will talk to a girl for the first time, albeit that she is a zombie who only wants to eat his brain!"
You're missing the point. The whole point of the game is to lose. To be a loser. The only winners of the game are those who are the first zombies. The original five zombies - representing one for each of the five sections of campus.
Frankly, the casting for these original five zombies upset me. I find it no coincidence the zombie from Central ran around with a joint in his mouth, the one from Northeast was an Asian, the one from Orchard Hill refused to not carry around his Math textbook, the one from Southwest was a rejected football jock, and the one from Sylvan was a transexual anime fiend. What, are we trying to give in to stereotypes now?
These five zombies are the only ones who got it right. They knew if they didn't choose to be a zombie they would be a loser eventually. See, the thing is, these five zombies slowly got the humans. And those humans turned to zombies. And then those zombies got other humans, turning them into zombies. And so on. This system makes everyone but one person a zombie, thus, it makes everyone but one person a loser.
And for that one person, he truly is worth much more than the dishonor of being called a loser. I'm not even joking.
See, they really are are losers. They sign up to play a game where it is literally impossible not to be a loser.
Sadly, though, this whole idea was ignited by my utmost curiosity as to why these people actually walked around with the bandanna on. "You idiots!" I thought, "You know you can't win if you do that! You eventually will be tagged and turned into a zombie!" What this means is, if I were playing, I would sign up and not walk around with a bandanna on. That way, I would never and could never get tagged, and I would probably win, as long as I didn't have to do any check ups, participate in anything to do with feeding the hungry homeless people, and definitely not actually touch any of these players or play with them.
I'm not sure what that implies. To me, it implies that I'm a winner, and I win by any costs, and that all these hundreds of people are losers, who will lose at any cost.
posted by Ben Moriarty at
8:16 PM
2 Comments:
They may as well replace the red bandanas with t-shirts that read, "I have and will never get laid". Hell, I'd even start throwing food at them.
Ah, the maturity I've come to expect from college students... if you can't actually justify disliking someone or their activities, just call them a loser or insult their sex life. Brilliant! Well, actually I've seen precisely one person come up with a decent reason to hate HvZ so much, but she had more intelligence in her left pinkie-finger than blog-comment writers have in their whole bodies.
In fact, if tomorrow night I'm talking to an attractive girl and she actually seems interested in me, I'll make sure to tell her that mike from the blog has decreed that I will never get laid. I'm sure she'll know what to do.
Then I'll make sure to pass the message on to every girl playing HvZ with her boyfriend. Starve those God-forsaken nerds, girls!
Seriously, can we go back to debating something of substance, like Presidential politics?
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