Christmas Extravaganza! Christmas Day Live(ish) Blog!
3:19 - It's the early morning, and the man known as Santa is sure to have already infiltrated my household. I've heard many rumors about him:
-Wanted on 876 trillion counts of breaking and entering
-Allegedly making out with Michael Jackson's mother
-One count of reindeer-vehicular homicide
-Three counts of getting hurt on the job, thus providing a plot line for three Tim Allen movies
I've left cookies and a glass of milk in an attempt to appease the man, but a peaceful resolution seems unlikely. In association with NORAD, I've been tracking the man via top secret government procedures; however, by the time this reaches you, it may be too late.
However, I do not intend to go out a miserable wreck; rather, I intend to continue with my previous plan of playing video games for several hours. It has worked so far...
11:10 - The man known as Santa is attempting to win me over. Knowing that I have been constrained to my desktop computer in the past, the man offered me a laptop computer. Well, it's actually a netbook, but I can type on it while sitting on the can, which is not what is happening right now.
That's just not sanitary.
11:30 - On Demand is a wonderful thing.
My house does not have a fireplace, nor does it have a scenic river flowing in front of it. But, with Comcast's programming choices, my family chose to switch between a yule log and a rainy, snowy river in Yellowstone National Park.
Beats Sportscenter, I guess.
12:17 - James' post above me has stolen some of my thunder, but I shall carry on! It's just past noon now and I'm lying in wait for my family which will soon consume my household.
In years past, this epidemic known as relatives was directed at the household of my uncle; however, the burden has now been shifted to my house. I fear that I will not make it through the night.
6:49 - With six and a half hours coming between posts, I can pretty much go ahead and label this a complete failure. But, if you've spent time around relatives recently, you know that it's a cavernous vortex of your time. A half hour ago, I'm pretty sure it was 1:00 and my cousin had just come in door. He's looking over my shoulder as I type this - stop it Dan.
Note: he has already gone on the record as labeling himself as the "idiot cousin."
As of now, the Celtics are on (losing to the Lakers and an onslaught of "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" promos). Kevin James' career has hit a high note.
9:14 - In a broader perspective, this time of year has the most depressing stories of the year. Not only do people keep committing crimes at pretty much the same rate as the rest of the year (I have no idea if this is actually true, it just seems it is) but you also have the fact that it usually involves someone getting trampled in a shopping mall, getting their presents stolen, losing power for three weeks or, in this certain case, a man dressing up as Santa shooting six people to death.
Our culture has a tendency to treat this time of year as somewhat of an anomaly of usual human nature. There's an unspoken expectation that, because of the holidays (Christmas!), people are suddenly going to become decent and take the well-being of others into consideration, which would be an amazing accomplishment.
But, after spending five minutes driving or shopping during the past two days, it's plain to see that people suck this time of year as much as they normally do. They just want to get home.
Home, however, is the key word. It's not that people are going to go out of their way for complete strangers- this is America; but, looking in another perspective, people are acting like asses out there for the benefit of those close to them. They all want to get the right present, get to a party on time or just get back home in order to spread that mystical "Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Generic Agnostic Holiday spirit" to those around them.
So, to the guy who cuts you off in the parking lot, Merry Christmas... once I get home and out of this damn traffic.
-Wanted on 876 trillion counts of breaking and entering
-Allegedly making out with Michael Jackson's mother
-One count of reindeer-vehicular homicide
-Three counts of getting hurt on the job, thus providing a plot line for three Tim Allen movies
I've left cookies and a glass of milk in an attempt to appease the man, but a peaceful resolution seems unlikely. In association with NORAD, I've been tracking the man via top secret government procedures; however, by the time this reaches you, it may be too late.
However, I do not intend to go out a miserable wreck; rather, I intend to continue with my previous plan of playing video games for several hours. It has worked so far...
11:10 - The man known as Santa is attempting to win me over. Knowing that I have been constrained to my desktop computer in the past, the man offered me a laptop computer. Well, it's actually a netbook, but I can type on it while sitting on the can, which is not what is happening right now.
That's just not sanitary.
11:30 - On Demand is a wonderful thing.
My house does not have a fireplace, nor does it have a scenic river flowing in front of it. But, with Comcast's programming choices, my family chose to switch between a yule log and a rainy, snowy river in Yellowstone National Park.
Beats Sportscenter, I guess.
12:17 - James' post above me has stolen some of my thunder, but I shall carry on! It's just past noon now and I'm lying in wait for my family which will soon consume my household.
In years past, this epidemic known as relatives was directed at the household of my uncle; however, the burden has now been shifted to my house. I fear that I will not make it through the night.
6:49 - With six and a half hours coming between posts, I can pretty much go ahead and label this a complete failure. But, if you've spent time around relatives recently, you know that it's a cavernous vortex of your time. A half hour ago, I'm pretty sure it was 1:00 and my cousin had just come in door. He's looking over my shoulder as I type this - stop it Dan.
Note: he has already gone on the record as labeling himself as the "idiot cousin."
As of now, the Celtics are on (losing to the Lakers and an onslaught of "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" promos). Kevin James' career has hit a high note.
9:14 - In a broader perspective, this time of year has the most depressing stories of the year. Not only do people keep committing crimes at pretty much the same rate as the rest of the year (I have no idea if this is actually true, it just seems it is) but you also have the fact that it usually involves someone getting trampled in a shopping mall, getting their presents stolen, losing power for three weeks or, in this certain case, a man dressing up as Santa shooting six people to death.
Our culture has a tendency to treat this time of year as somewhat of an anomaly of usual human nature. There's an unspoken expectation that, because of the holidays (Christmas!), people are suddenly going to become decent and take the well-being of others into consideration, which would be an amazing accomplishment.
But, after spending five minutes driving or shopping during the past two days, it's plain to see that people suck this time of year as much as they normally do. They just want to get home.
Home, however, is the key word. It's not that people are going to go out of their way for complete strangers- this is America; but, looking in another perspective, people are acting like asses out there for the benefit of those close to them. They all want to get the right present, get to a party on time or just get back home in order to spread that mystical "Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Generic Agnostic Holiday spirit" to those around them.
So, to the guy who cuts you off in the parking lot, Merry Christmas... once I get home and out of this damn traffic.
posted by Editorial Staff at
12:19 AM
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